My first year of being a mum has been…well, an absolute whirlwind of a time. I have learned so much from taking care of this little person that lived inside me for 9 months. So, in no particular order, I’m laying out some hard truths about the first year of motherhood.
You will constantly second-guess yourself.
It’s so easy to think that EVERY. THING. will come easy when the truth is, that’s hardly ever the case. This little person is handed over to you, with no instructions whatsoever. Those instincts that everyone talks about don’t always kick in immediately. How do I know how much he’s had if I’m nursing? How long should his wake window be? Do you bathe him everyday or every other day? You will ask yourself SO MANY questions, but you will get the hang of things.
It’s just HARD.
Between the sleep deprivation (good GOD, the sleep deprivation), postpartum healing, trying to balance work/child-rearing, and about everything under the sun, motherhood is just plain TOUGH.
Breastfeeding is a lot harder than you think.
Or in some cases, impossible. You would think just sitting there with a baby on your boob would be simple enough, but there’s so much more to it. There’s the engorgement, mastitis, cracked/bleeding nipples, and finding a good latch position, to name a few. And there’s the neverending hunger and thirst that comes with it from being someone’s meal source. And no one told me there would be days where he would just nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse. But with it comes endless bonding and snuggles, so that helps!
Every little thing your baby does will amaze you.
One minute they’re screaming their heads off and you’re thinking “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHAT DO YOU NEED”. And then five seconds later they crack a smile and it makes you wonder if you’ve ever SEEN anything more beautiful.
Accept the help you are given.
I know it’s hard. And I know you will want to do everything yourself and become the most amazing mum in the world. But I am telling you now – you cannot do it on your own. Take any help you are given, and take it gracefully. Because like I said, motherhood is HARD and you absolutely deserve (and need) help sometimes.
You will master the five minute shower.
Honestly, growing up, I never understood how my mother could take such quick showers. And let me tell you….I totally get it now. There’s no time to be in there, daydreaming and shaving everything, especially when there’s a screaming child on the other side of the door. (But do make sure to drag it out every so often, if anything just for your sanity).
Every baby is different.
Whether or not your baby hits the same milestones as your friend’s baby, or some complete random stranger’s baby, there is no need to be concerned with when your baby will. Each baby is different, and they will reach their milestones in their own time. And the same goes for mums as well!
What you see on instagram is not real life.
Instagram is a highlights reel. Most of the time, people only show you what they want to see, carefully edited with a filter (I’m not shaming – I do it too!). It’s important to remember that it’s not always real, authentic life so don’t compare yourself to it.
You will miss your old/pre-baby life.
Yes, you can still miss going out for drinks with the girls, or just staying up late without having to worry about tending to a crying baby. It does not mean you do not love your baby. You are allowed to miss your old life, and it will not take away from how amazing motherhood and your new life is.
“Mum guilt” is very much real.
Yes, like I said, it’s okay to miss your old life but you will (irrationally) feel the inevitable “mum guilt”. No matter how many times you tell yourself something, this annoying little voice in the back of your head will do everything it can to make you feel guilty. We are our own worst enemies sometimes.
Your marriage takes a backseat.
This little person comes into your life and takes over everything, so it’s only natural that your relationship needs to take a bit of a backseat. But please please pleaseee don’t forget your partner. I know it’s really easy, for the both of you, to let the romance slide a bit but you have to make time for each other.
There will be a lot of tears.
And I’m not just talking about the baby. You will cry. At everything. Didn’t get any sleep last night? You’ll cry. Spill some breastmilk? DEAR GOD, THE TEARS. Your baby laughed? Absolute SOB FEST.
You will learn what it really, truly, means to be patient.
I thought I was a patient person before I had a baby, really. Then I had one. Don’t get me wrong, I do lose my rag (a lot), as it’s only natural but I definitely have loads more patience now than I did before I had him.
It passes by in a blur, and yet time stands still all at once.
The saying “the days are long, but the years are short” is honestly so true. I blinked and Aidan turned one. Although the first year of motherhood is hard, cherish it. Because it goes by too damn fast, without you even realizing.
xx Lauren
