What I’ve Learned About Myself After Almost A Year Of Marriage

I think when people get married, they tend to focus on the things they notice/learn about their partners.  But what about themselves? It’s easy to point out things in others, but we’re not as quick to look more closely at ourselves.  I think it’s just as important to reflect on ourselves just as much as our partners. I’ve been married almost a year now, and as my husband and I are growing in our fledgling marriage, I’m learning a lot about myself.  It’s made me reflect a lot on the person I am, especially as part of a “team” with my other half.

For starters, I’ve noticed that I expect much more of myself than I ever have before.  I grew up with a mother that did everything – she cooked, cleaned, worked, and took care of five kids – all at once.  She still does. Okay, there’s less kids in the house now that my older brother and I have moved out, but still – she set the bar high for me.  The way I grew up is how I’ve always expected it to be for myself. I want to be that “trophy wife” that literally does it all. I want to be able to cook amazing meals from scratch, be on top of everything all at the same time, and bring home an income.  And when I fall just slightly short of my own expectations, I’m so hard on myself.

I also realize that my communication skills need a bit of work.  I’m not saying that my husband and I don’t communicate, because we do.  We’re very open and honest with each other. But I do have a tendency to get just a “little” emotional when addressing touchy subjects or with any type of conflict, which I’ve always known.  That’s something that I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort with. Communication is so important to me, because it’s not really something that I’ve had in past relationships. Steve’s honestly the first person that I feel I’ve been able to communicate with properly,and it’s something that I’m so grateful for (even if I still need a tiny bit of work).

I notice myself saying “we” a lot more.  “Oh, we both LOVE that show”, or “we plan on doing such and such this year”.  My identity has become intertwined with my husband, but I don’t really see it as a bad thing.  I’ve always wanted to get married and I really enjoy being a part of a unit. But I’ve never once felt that I’ve had to sacrifice my personal identity for the sake of my married identity, either.  So yes, I’m a firm believer in being able to have it both ways.

Being married has also solidified the importance of family to me.  I know I’ve said it on here before, but family is so important to me.  They are the one constant thing in life. It’s made me think more about when to start a family, the type of family we want to have, how we’ll be as parents, etc.  I am so ready to have kids, and being married has made me really excited for the future to come. (Also, I understand that you don’t need to be married to have kids, but for me it has been important to do so.)

I’m by no means anywhere near an expert on the subject of marriage, obviously.  I’ve only been married about 10 months, after all. As time goes on, there will be even more I learn about myself.  I don’t always like to put very intimate or private things on here, but reflection is something that has become very important to me lately, so it only felt right to me to write about something like this on here.

If any of you want to share your own experiences with self-reflection, whether it be in marriage or anything else, please feel free to drop a comment.  I always read them all and try to respond back when I can!

xx Lauren