I Think I Had Too Much Skin To Skin With My Baby.

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I’ve been a bit hesitant to share this post because of the backlash it may receive. But I’m going to share it anyway, in case there is someone else out there who has been wondering the same thing as I have since giving birth.

I think I had too much skin to skin with my baby following birth.

Before I continue, I want to start off by saying that I 100% believe in skin to skin and that it benefits both mom and baby massively. And this post is based entirely on my own birth experience. But part of me wonders if there’s such a thing as TOO MUCH skin to skin?

When Aidan was born, and placed on my chest, I was in heaven. Him, Steve, and I were on the labour ward, in the private room that I gave birth in. After a half hour or so of him being born, Steve’s mom left to go get some sleep and give us some privacy to enjoy being a new family of three. The midwives, after doing what they needed to do, left shortly after that. So this was around, 1:30 AM or so. Aidan was still on my chest, covered with a towel, and I honestly had not moved since I gave birth to him.

The midwives had done their job helping to bring him into the world, so they left to tend to the other mothers in the busy labour ward. Now all there was to do was patiently wait until we were moved to the postnatal ward to recover before being discharged. Which would be soon, right?

Wrong.

After the midwives left the room, we hardly saw them. The maternity unit that night was absolute chaos. There were so many women giving birth that night that essentially, there were not enough beds. So, we waited in our labour room until one opened up for us, which ending up not being until almost 10:00 AM.

We were in such a little bubble, that we didn’t even realize how long we were in there and for most of the time, we didn’t even care. We were honestly happy to have the privacy (and that Steve had the luck to be able to stay with me instead of leaving until visiting hours later that morning). So for hours, I laid there with my baby, just soaking him in. I hadn’t even gotten up to get either of us dressed. I didn’t want that bonding moment that he and I were sharing to end.

Finally, a few hours later, a midwife came and helped get Aidan dressed (oh, and brought a bassinet for him, because we still hadn’t been given one…). I was able to get up, dressed, and use the bathroom finally. Thank god. A few hours later, and we were on the postnatal ward resting, Aidan sleeping happily in his bassinet. All was well, and we shortly took him home to properly start our life as a family of three.

Happy to be home, later that evening we settled in to get ready for bed. I placed Aidan in the crib next to me, and tried to get some sleep.

Cue the nonstop screaming.

Aidan would not settle in the crib. At all. That first night is honestly a blur to me, but all I remember is essentially sitting up all night, holding the baby while he slept. I knew getting him used to being earthside would be difficult, and that eventually he would be able to sleep in his crib (or anywhere else he was put down, for that matter).

What I didn’t know, is that it would take A LOT longer than I expected. No matter how many times I tried, he would not sleep anywhere but on my chest. It got to the point that I had to sleep sitting up with Aidan on my chest, in what I could only describe as a throne made of pillows, so as to make it A BIT safer. I hated sleeping like that. It made me paranoid because I knew you were not supposed to sleep with your baby like that. But it was honestly the ONLY thing I could do. This went on for weeks and weeks.

I was desperately trying to come up with a reason as to why he wouldn’t sleep anywhere else but on me. And the only logical thing I could come up with, in my sleep deprived mind, was that I spent too much time with him on my chest in the hospital. I mean, we were like that for HOURS – that had to be why this was happening, right? In my quest for the perfect skin to skin experience, did I actually make it so Aidan would not and could not sleep anywhere else but my arms?

I googled that question, and variations of it, so many times. And not once did I come across anything that would suggest any amount of skin to skin would cause that. The general consensus is the more of it, the better. But I still could not (and cannot) stop myself from thinking, “But what if that IS why he won’t sleep anywhere else?”.

The guilt that I have felt about thinking this at times has been indescribable. I’m his safe place. My smell, my heartbeat. It’s clearly what he needs to feel safe enough to sleep. Why should I even want to take that away from him? But at the same time, I’ve been so desperate to just have free arms for five minutes, to do something else besides hold the baby….which has made me feel even guiltier.

Things are getting a bit better, day by day. He will now sleep in his crib at night. We’re still working on the day time naps, though. So for now, we’re just taking everything day by day.

I still have yet to come across anyone questioning whether there’s such a thing as too much skin to skin. So I wrote this really, for all you moms out there wondering the same thing that I have. Share your thoughts in the comments!

xx Lauren